Dear LAX,

I know it is Orange right now and there are people carrying Almanacs around, but if you are going to totally revamp the picking up of people rules then you should really have a sign or two. I wasn’t trying to be crafty when i pulled over to the curb right in front of Searcy, and I should reiterate that I also did not have an Almanac. I was just trying to get my friend off of the curb the same way that Lydia picked me up three hours earlier with no troubles. Also, a member of your lesbian police force was rather unfriendly toward me, and had an unsightly scar on her chin. Could you fix both of those things for me please? Also, I don’t really like the way that she caught me in a lie or two. I’m not scared of her so she can lose the tough act. That’s all.

Sincerely,
Jason F. King (yes, that Jason F. King)

P.S. Terminal three could use a facelift.