1. I was born in Missouri.
2. I was once engaged to someone in my links.
3. I used to tour with Rob Halford.
4. Both of my parents are legally black.
5. I didn’t have a “real job” until my late twenties.
6. I am close/personal friends with both Oprah and Jonathan Franzen, and really know what it feels like to be caught in the middle.
7. My favorite color is plaid.
8. When you are talking to me, 9 times out of 10 I am thinking about my hair and/or perfect complexion.
9. The Adidas Tracksuit thing is so real.
10. I have never seen and will never see the movie Top Gun, which inspired a screenplay that I once began, called How Tom Cruise Ruined My Life.
11. I overdo it. Always.
12. I have had guns pointed at my grill twice.
13. I am the spitting image of Gary Oldman as Sid Vicious in the movie Sid & Nancy. Minus the anorexia and the heroin, of course.
14. I am making lists and posting pictures because I am completely out of interesting stories and my life is super fucking boring right now and I think I need to take a vacation or have an orgy or something of any kind of excitement right now.
virgin atlantic officials said that “they were very surprised at the negative reaction” to their plan to place urinals shaped like a woman’s mouth in the first class lounges at JFK. ok. i might be the most difficult person to offend in the entire world. and these don’t necessarily offend me…but who is so stupid that they would be surprised that people may have a negative reaction to a urinal that makes a man feel like he is pissing into a woman’s mouth? this one is strange. how far did this go before someone caught wind of this? i feel a stream of rather negative feedback pouring in. (i couldn’t resist.)
i feel like shit in 200 words or less
my sense of humor has gone on vacation. (for my british readers: my sense of humour has gone on holiday.) i hope it comes back soon and brings my cleverness with it. until then, i can’t write. i have tried and it isn’t really working. there is so much for me to write about right now, but i can’t do it. i think i am bi-polar today. and i have a bruise on my hip and on my arm. what happened to me this weekend?
on a related topic. i got the tracks from the wilco cd a ghost is born that doesn’t come out for a few more months. it’s really fucking good. i may or may not have it on my server, depending on what is legal/illegal nowadays. but if you email me and you are funny/cute/clever/charming/naked then there is a good chance i will send you the link for you to go and listen/download it, depending on what is legal/illegal.
hipster roulette
i am just going to post the results to this silly little game i found on dura-luxe. i am far too hungover to be at all clever today. anyway the point to this silly “game” is to open up your mp3 player, hit shuffle, and list the first 10 songs on the playlist no matter how embarrassing or uncool the songs are.
1. snakeface by throwing muses
2. man who died of nothing at all by crooked fingers
3. sweetest thing by u2
4. some live song whose name i don’t know by centro-matic
5. breezes of patchulie by donovan
6. venus by low
7. for the sum of it by enon
8. condescend by low
9. money city maniacs by sloan
10. glowworm by the apples in stereo
my list could have been far worse. i just dumped all of my mp3’s off of my hard drive a couple of months ago. all in all, not bad though. i actually hate that throwing muses song, and i would probably choose another donovan song over “breezes”, never mad at that u2 song. ok. back to trying not to feel like i am going to die of hangover.
post st. patrick’s day hangover
i worked at home for an hour or two last night while drinking a little jack & water. after commencing work and developing a decent buzz, i pulled myself together, changed outfits 3 times and did my hair twice…then put my original outfit back on which included a hat. we cabbed to the burgundy room. the rest of the evening is blurry, but here are some things that i was told happened:
-i was drunk.
-i told dudes that i fuck Lydia (which i don’t and never have). lydia -a pretty quick thinker- instead of getting mad, agreed but proceeded to tell everyone that i have a really small dick.
-i tried to make out with ex-wo. my ex-girlfriend is staying at our house, and apparently last night i tried to put moves. i debate this one.
-i have an estranged credit card. who knows…
i don’t want to be at work right now. i just want to sleep. lydi is in SF with ex-wo for heather’s art show. searc is in tahoe for something that has to do with hotel design. i have the house to myself. i want to be there sleeping. fuck.
blessed
i just realized that it has been a long time, my dear readers, since you have had the privilege to see a picture of me. this was taken last weekend right before we were going out and right after heather decided to pour part of her beer on me. the music that you can’t hear is the yeah yeah yeah’s.
oh yeah, i almost forgot.
today is a fake holiday, so happy st. patrick’s day. i am not wearing green today because it adversely affects what is, arguably, my best aesthetic feature; my beautifully hued blue eyes. so long story short, if any of you fuckers pinch me i will knock you semi-conscious.
the good book
neal pollack’s books usually make me laugh. his previous 2 books have been short stories that have worked really well. his first full length novel called never mind the pollacks was released recently. hoping that pollack had stuck to the sense of humor that i enjoy so much, i read the dedication page. it read:
For:
Jack and Meg
funny enough already.
i am in a bad mood.
i don’t know why. but what i do know is this: adult acne. i have another blemish on my face. i might just go all nelly and stick a band-aid up on thurr for a day or two until it goes away.
