i just realized that i am kinda slutty

17 people have taken my quiz. some strangers have taken it and used pseudonyms, so i am not sure of the male/female breakdown of the participants. an educated guess tells me that it is 12/5 f/m. anyhow, I have made love to 7 of the 12 women/girls. that is 58%. i think that i may go on a celibacy spree soon. i have a couple of questions:

i’m irresistible.

i’m the sexiest person you have ever seen.

you will never think of lovemaking in the same manner after you have been with me.

i will more than likely forget your name and that i even ever knew you within about 6 months (certain exclusions apply)

when the rufies wear off, you will try to forget me.

no that isn’t the red light on the front of a video camera in my closet.

ok, those were my “questions”. but seriously, i think i need to give up sex for a little bit. i just got a little embarrassed because i remembered that some of my family reads this. a note to them: it’s humor, none of it is true. a note to everyone else: it’s all true, 58% of women can attest to this.

traffic

i took an avant garde route home from work this evening and it took me so long. i heard the new lil john song twice on 105.9. yeah. ok. what.

oh yeah, i forgot a nom de plume du jour

girth brooks

(thanks teach)

concierge

fun and addicting site. you are given a few paragraphs of information about a city and from that info and a picture you have to figure out where you are. go there and enter the contest. if you need help figuring out this months puzzle, maybe i will help you…..

pseudonyms i have used today

tad smalls
rondell white
greg mcgregor
rondell stuart
stewart average
magical johnson

you think you know me?

prove it, bitches

again and again

i smell a new amendment to the constitution.

advice column:

porn is meant to be rented. never buy porn. it gets old very quickly. i get bored of having sexual intercourse with real girls after too many times, so watching celluloid women too many times gets v. v. boring. 2 day rentals = totally perfect. for dvd’s i mean, not girls.

and.

if you buy a defective porn dvd, just go ahead and take the loss. this happened lately. i believe the title of the film was handjob hunnies #325. my dvd player won’t play it, and neither will the one in the living room. i thought for a moment that i would take it in to exchange it. then i remembered that returning anything is slightly embarrassing/pain in the ass/troublesome. “mr king, what seems to be the problem with handjob hunnies #325?”

and.

don’t watch the behind the scenes “extra’s” on porn dvd’s. i don’t wanna hear a director barking orders over fake moans. i don’t want to hear them talking about faking a, umm, finish. i don’t wanna hear a girl ask a man to remove his head from her lap so that she can fart. all of these things kill the ambiance that i have created for myself.

and.

don’t rent porn from tower. they have a “pay when you return the disc” policy. this is bad for two reasons. it is moderately embarrassing to rent porn from a pretty busy place on sunset blvd. dropping it off through an anonymous drop slot is the way to go. especially when you forgot that you have had it for two weeks and the employee kind of giggles as he tells you that you owe $53.45 and the customers next to you think that you have had so much fun with Specs Appeal Vol. 4 (great series, cute girls in fake glasses acting like smart people who then are made love to by men with pony tails acting like smart people) that you had to keep it for two weeks fuck it if it is $53.45.

and.

Lakers Update

-the announcers bug me
-karl malone still hurt
-kobe returned more quickly than expected
-defense looks good
-very little rape lately
-pacing themselves for the playoffs
-portraying the girl as sexually promiscuous
-little to no semen found in panties lately
-fisher is shooting very well from behind the arc
-rick fox still looking for his offense
-kobe’s defense is strong as usual (on the court)
-kobe’s defense is strong as usual (in the court)

10 people that I want to go away before the year is over
(in no particular order)

1.George Bush
2.Donald Trump
3.Jack White
4.Crank Yankers
5.Jim
6.Kenneth Lay
7.Jon Travolta
8.Anthony Hamilton
9.Adam Sandler
10.George W. Bush